She Still Prays
A few years back, I was talking to a woman who was born in Germany shortly before the end of World War II. Perhaps she was young enough during the war that she didn’t remember the horrors of it. I doubt it, but it’s a nice thought.
Regardless, in our conversation she talked about the desperate times she went through after the war. One brief sentence convinced me of the poverty that she experienced. “We used to look through people’s garbage to find potato peelings to eat.”
I was reminded of the words a woman once spoke to Jesus, “…even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” (Matt. 15:27) I had always known her as a strong, hard-working, accomplished, and proud woman. It was hard to imagine her as a young child rummaging through people’s garbage like a stray dog.
Given her poverty, it was understandable that she found work at a young age…delivering newspapers each morning to those who had enough disposable income to buy a paper and enough fortitude to read the post-war Germany news every day. Ironically, it was her hard work that landed her in trouble with her priest.
Whether she was late to Mass or Sunday School, I do not remember. The priest’s response is indelibly etched in my mind. “He was very angry with me for being late. After yelling at me inside, he took me outside and beat me.” She didn’t describe the extent or severity of the beating but it didn’t matter to me. Even a swat on the behind would have been merciless.
I never knew my friend to be a woman of faith. Sundays were spent on her boat at the reservoir, drinking hard, skiing hard, playing hard, and laughing hard. She knew how to have a good time and she knew when to stop. Period. So I was surprised when she ended her tale of the merciless priest with the statement, “I don’t go to church anymore. But I still pray.”
The statement caught me completely off guard. I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I could understand why she didn’t go to church and I would understand if she wanted nothing to do with God. But she still talks to Him? Why? Oh, to be a fly on the wall during those conversations!
My mind was not quick enough to formulate the questions then. But today I’m thinking about her prayers. Does she use the rote prayers she learned in her Catholic upbringing? Does she pray spontaneous prayers? Are her prayers short or long? Is she asking God to do things for her or asking God to be merciful to her? Hopefully, I’ll be able to ask her these questions directly someday.
She still prays.
Hurt by the church, disappointed (rejected?) by Christians, she still talks to God.
Over the years, I’ve struggled in my prayer life. At times, I haven’t been motivated to pray. At other times, I’ve been too angry or hurt or lazy or skeptical to pray. I’ve heard countless people express the same frustration to me with their own prayer lives. A conversation with a God you can neither see nor hear often feels one-sided and could be experienced as meaningless.
She still prays.
God’s representative on earth — her priest – showed no mercy.
She still prays.
She’s experienced war, hunger, abuse, and loss.
She still prays.
I can only imagine God is still listening. That’s just who He is. When Jesus heard the Canaanite (!) woman describe herself as a dog waiting for His crumbs, He said:
“O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” (Matt. 15:28)
